Amazing Breakthrough in HVAC System Efficiency and Performance!
Heating, ventilating, and air conditioning (HVAC) systems have undergone great development since our cavemen ancestors huddled around the fire in winter and fanned themselves with palmetto leaves in summer. The rapid development of efficiency and performance experienced by other industries, however, seems to have bypassed HVAC in recent decades.
Although electronically-commutated motors are now replacing the increasingly obsolescent permanent split capacitor in the drive for psychrometric consolation, the anticipated paradigm shift in residential mechanical systems seems always just beyond the reach of synergistic collusion.
For a number of decades, however, work has been proceeding in order to bring perfection to the crudely conceived idea of an HVAC system that would not only supply inverse reactive current for use in unilateral phase desuperheaters but would also be capable of automatically synchronizing the relative motion of conductors and fluxes. Such an instrument is the Turbo-Thermo-Encabulator Max.
Building on the development of the Turbo-Encabulator in the 1940s (see video below) and the Retro-Encabulator in the 1990s, scientists and engineers first created the Turbo-Thermo-Encabulator for improving surfactant-mediated vapor-compression diaphragms.
Now basically, the only new twist was the addition of hydrocoptic marzel vanes to the thermostatic expansion valve. Rather than being so-fitted to the ambifacient lunar wane shaft, however, these antidisentropic modules undergo a series of phase-shifting
heteroepitaxial quantum fluctuations to relieve the magnetoreluctance of all capacitive directance.
To more fully attenuate the temporal wobble in the ancillary tesserect, all spurving bearings have been replaced with heavy-duty, zircon-encrusted girdlesprings. The inverter-driven dingle-arms then promote the accession of semitoroidal interactions in the molecular sieve, with the consequence that side fumbling is effectively prevented.
The Turbo-Thermo-Encabulator Max has now reached a high level of development, and is being successfully used in the operation of, not only nofer trunnions, but also twofer trunnions, which can be used to activate mini-split thermal diverters, and occasionally nogo and even bogo trunnions.
Because HVAC systems are but one component in the complex edifice systems studied by building scientists, the Turbo-Thermo-Encabulator Max encompasses the entire array of hygrothermobaric control layers in the typical building enclosure. No longer will the befuddled homeowner or facilities manager struggle in deciding which repair-person to call when something goes wrong.
The net result of the technologies elucidated herein is the complete nonentropic operation of the device. In other words, the Turbo-Thermo-Encabulator Max, once installed, obviates the need for any contractors and is fully guaranteed for the life of the Universe. Moreover, the actuation panel for this revolutionary HVAC system is pure elegance, consisting simply of a single binary control device.
It’s not cheap, but factories in China are working around the clock to ensure sufficient quantities will be ready in time for the upcoming holiday shopping season.
Historical Film of the Turbo-Encabulator
The short video below, produced in 1977, shows Bud Haggart explaining the principles of the Turbo-Encabulator, as applied to automotive transmissions.
Who deserves the credit?
The original Turbo-Encabulator was the brainchild of one John Hellins Quick, a British student who published a paper titled, The Turbo-Encabulator in Industry in 1944. The Turbo-Thermo-Encabulator Max is the result of a chain of events spurred by one Dan Kerr, a mechanical engineer with McClure Company, as well as a blogger and triathlete (who happens to be competing in the Lake Placid Ironman Triathlon this weekend – Go, Dan!).
Epilogue
Whether you understood a lot or a little of this article, you understood enough. If you understood a lot, I urge you to seek professional help.
Afterword
Relax. This is just a bit of fun because April Fool’s Day doesn’t come often enough for me. If this article makes you want to unsubscribe or see me take a long vacation, this may not be the blog for you. If, however, you spend your spare time reading instructional novelettes with such titles as “How to Bury Yourself in the Ground Up to Your Neck” and “How to Get Your Hand Encased in a Hardened, Bucket-Shaped Oatmeal Plug,” then you’re in the right place.
Addendum
Be sure to see my interview with the alleged inventor of this alleged device, too.
This Post Has 35 Comments
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Please drop me from your
Please drop me from your email list
its about time a press
its about time a press release on this. he he
Just. Plain. Nuts.
Just. Plain. Nuts.
I’m finally beginning to
I’m finally beginning to understand!
You left out the part about
You left out the part about NASA using this technology in the space program so it will be the solution for all your home HVAC problems.
Other than being silly, was
Other than being silly, was there a point to this article? It went over my head if there was one.
Ingenious. An effective
Ingenious. An effective girdle spring is always critical.
I’d hate to see what the
I’d hate to see what the installation manual looked like.
couldn’t have said it better
couldn’t have said it better myself!
I bet you curled up on the
I bet you curled up on the floor in a fetal position and sobbed uncontrollably, after writing this one… 😉
Sorry, I’m a fairly simple
Sorry, I’m a fairly simple guy…. I couldn’t get past the second paragraph.
My head hurts…………
My head hurts…………
… and I’ll bet you’re first
… and I’ll bet you’re first-in-line for one!
Sounds like some of the stuff
Sounds like some of the stuff I write…not only fun…but exercises the cerebral synapses…”L” hemisphere…Broca’s area….corpuscollsum…not to for get the creative molecular incapcilation of stratastat. moedad..& yes..I TOO need help!
Wow, impressive essay. The
Wow, impressive essay. The video really rounds it off. And the comments, Jim Blair, I’m LMAO.
Certainly the government will buy it.
I am hoping Allison takes a
I am hoping Allison takes a long vacation and comes back with something other than a mental self-stimulation.
Thanks for all the comments!
Thanks for all the comments! I added a new Afterword at the end of the article to address the concerns of those who want to unsubscribe or see me take a long vacation.
Please keep me on your
Please keep me on your mailing list. I can not miss an episode of this new swerve in science.
The smarter the animal, the
The smarter the animal, the more they take time to play. It is easier to play if one avoids pomposity and too much time taking things too seriously.
Oh, and on the subject of how to get off Allison’s email list – Click the Google icon twice…
or read the directions in every email…
There’s an app for that.
There’s an app for that.
Does the government consider
Does the government consider this as renewable energy? I’d like to claim a tax credit. (thanks for the shout out. good times)
Seriously Allison: How soon
Seriously Allison: How soon before we all start getting “Rick Roll’d” when clicking on links to what we think is your latest home energy blog post???
BTW, here’s a really cool PDE solver package that was just released by the University of Illinois. Just thought you’d like to take a look at it: UIUC PDE Solver
Wait, isn’t that what the
Wait, isn’t that what the dept of energy just guaranteed a loan of $455 million to develop and manufacture?
gosh, I sure hope it works…….
Yes, the very same! By all
Yes, the very same! By all means, check out the link I posted. It’s a really cool piece of software. Allison thinks so!
I believe they used this
I believe they used this machine in Back to The Future. Please come over and hook it up to my light switch, er binary device.
I wonder if these can be
I wonder if these can be hooked up in series or only backto back?
The inverter-driven dingle
The inverter-driven dingle-arms then promote the accession of semitoroidal interactions in the molecular sieve, with the consequence that side fumbling is effectively prevented.
dingle arms..geeze you make my head hurt!
and yeah..I guess we were all right there with you. it must be vacation time!
I’m looking forward to
I’m looking forward to reading the trouble shooting manual
Would you donate part of your
Would you donate part of your sense of humor to Martin Halliday over at GBA?
Way over my head, but there
Way over my head, but there are things to consider:
Cost: Getting the general public to accept paying this much for an HVAC system is a long stretch unless power prices are high and cooling seasons are long. The hottest parts of the country tend to have the lowest energy prices…
HVAC contractor acceptance: Many do not like to try out new stuff, especially if it’s expensive. It’s hard enough to break the 500sq ft per ton rule for newer homes (most can go at least 800sq ft per ton), much less introduce new technology.
The good news is Allison is
The good news is Allison is buying one of these for everyone who posted after he gets back from a very very long vacation! They run about a buck two ninty eight for the rest of us.
Love – It !
Love – It !
We are using Hidden Semi-Markov Models to establish the Viterbi path currently (we try not to mention it !) 🙂
Where’s Sheldon Cooper when
Where’s Sheldon Cooper when you need him? SHELDON!!!
Don’t you usually save these
Don’t you usually save these for April 1st?
I’m soo kicking myself! I
I’m soo kicking myself! I could have had the patent on this if I only would have given up the piston for the thermo expansion valve!