Allison A. Bailes III, PhD – Building Science Guru, Juggler, Writer

The Obituary Of Allison A. Bailes III, PhD, Written Prehumously

Allison Arthur Bailes III, PhD, died on the morning of 4 January 2011. His wife found him slumped over the keyboard of his computer, where he collapsed after working on yet another blog article. Apparently the pressure to write, which he had just described in a post the day before, overwhelmed him. The total external static pressure measurements across his word handling unit, determined posthumously from the digital monitor that Dr. Bailes had implanted a month earlier, showed that he had been in dangerous territory the whole time. Experts speculated that, had Dr. Bailes increased the size of his writing filter, the decreased static pressure would have allowed the words to flow more freely, and he might still be with us today.

Although Allison realized he had little hope of making it into a book like Eccentric Lives, Peculiar Notions (among such stars as Geoffrey Pyke, who invented a giant battleship made of ice, and Amanda Feilding, who, wanting to live in bliss, drilled a hole in her head), he was oddly proud of being included in Who’s Who of American Women, The Millennium Edition. Dr. Bailes is survived not only by his wife, step-son, three sisters, and 95 year old grandfather, but, unusually, also by himself.

 

No, it’s not April Fool’s Day.  And no, I have not really died. This is another post for LetsBlogOff, the theme of which this week is, Write Your Own Obituary.

This Post Has 12 Comments

  1. I think you are ONLY person I
    I think you are ONLY person I know who would actually do this! 🙂 Keep up the good writing.

  2. so that’s the physics of
    so that’s the physics of frazzled by blogging pressure, eh? good to know. cindy @urbanverse

  3. Catherine, I think you mean I
    Catherine, I think you mean I’m the only person you ‘used to know’ who would do this, right? Because I’m gone now. Gone like a train.

  4. Cindy, I like that – ‘the
    Cindy, I like that – ‘the physics of frazzled.’ Gotta remember that one!

  5. LOL! That’s the most
    LOL! That’s the most hilarious thing I’ve read today, Allison… thanks so much!

  6. Really though, once you’ve
    Really though, once you’ve made it into the Who’s Who of American Women it’s really all downhill from there. ; )

  7. Steve: You’re welcome. I had
    Steve: You’re welcome. I had fun writing it after my Eureka moment driving in to work, when I figured out what to write. Glad I wasn’t the only one who laughed.

  8. Madame Sunday, you’re
    Madame Sunday, you’re absolutely right! It’s no surprise that people are reading my obituary barely 10 years after that momentous event.

  9. I hope you had yourself
    I hope you had yourself stuffed. Then you could go into a museum – Allison Bailes: the French Toast version!

  10. That’s a great idea,
    That’s a great idea, Alexandra! I think I’ll talk to my taxidermist today.

  11. Wow, Allison.   &lt
    Wow, Allison.  
    Not only did you follow the letter of the blog assignment (writing of your own death) you used the blog assignment as the actual instrument of death. 
     
    You’re big into Halloween aren’t you?

Comments are closed.

Back To Top